You Were Hurting
by Socrates7727
Summary: When they came back, Bucky was silent. It was never a good sign and she could tell he was hurting. Natasha hated to see him hurting... Dom/sub dynamic, WinterWidow BuckyNat, a bit angsty fluff, one shot for now!


AN I don't own Marvel or any of its characters! Dom/sub dynamic, WinterWidow

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It was late, easily two or three in the morning, but Natasha heard the helicopter land on the roof of the tower and pulled herself out of bed. They were back. She moved towards the kitchen on the common floor, busying herself like she was just making coffee, and tried not to eavesdrop too much as they walked in. Steve was speaking, his voice terse and low. She heard T'Challa's calm, level voice answer him and heard Tony chime in with an unwanted comment or two, but she didn't hear Bucky. The silence wasn't a good sign.

When the men entered the kitchen, none of them seemed surprised to see her. She took an orange from the bowl on the table and hopped up onto the counter, swinging her legs slightly as she sipped her coffee and watched them. Steve sat at the table, examining a few of his own bruises, and Tony went for the oranges while still making conversation. T'Challa approached her with an easy, familiar smile and greeted her. But, even as she made conversation with him about the mission, she couldn't help focusing all of her attention on Bucky. He moved silently around the kitchen, ducking behind people and shifting to avoid collisions as he took a few slices of plain bread from the cabinet. She listened, tracking him mentally, as he made some kind of drink. The bread was a bad sign-he only usually reverted back to basic, fundamental foods like that when he used it to tie himself to his training, which was never good. But the drink smelled like peppermint, which was encouraging.

"You like it here?" She smiled at T'Challa, easily, and began to answer him without really hearing her own voice. Instead, she focused on Bucky. It was a bad habit of hers but she couldn't help it and he didn't seem to mind. She offered him a little bit of eye contact when he moved to reach past her for a glass, but he ignored it and went back to his task immediately. Another bad sign.

Tony dismissed himself quickly, complaining as always, and took T'Challa with him. Steve hesitated and made light conversation with Natasha while he finished a bowl of cereal, but he could sense the tension and moved towards the elevator eventually, too. She didn't move until she heard the doors close.

"Friday, please secure the common floor." The AI responded instantly to her voice, locking down the elevator, tinting the windows, and securing the doors. She wanted to make sure that they wouldn't be caught or disturbed. Slowly, tentatively, she slid down off the counter and moved towards him, but hesitated at the last second. His shoulders were stiff, his fists clenched at his sides. As much as she hated it, seeing that struck fear deep in her gut because no amount of familiarity could strike that instinct from her DNA. Male anger equaled aggression, which meant pain. Never mind the fact that she knew he would never hurt her, it was still an instinct.

She stopped herself, giving her body a moment to breathe and relax, and moved instead to place her orange peel in the compost. He turned his back to her, still tense. But, while he shuffled with something on the table, she took a second to study him. He was tense, yes, but he was also stiff-in pain-and the plates in his metal arm clinked in a way they didn't normally. So he'd taken a beating during the mission. She didn't expect him to tell her about it, or to show her any of the injuries, but knowing helped. Fighting always made him uneasy because it was too easy for him to slip back into that brutal machine, killing without question, and she knew for a fact that he struggled with _wanting_ to slip back into that. He didn't want to hurt people, of course, but she knew that anxiety was still there. And stronger than ever, apparently.

She considered coming up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist in silent comfort. She knew she wouldn't-couldn't-surprise or scare him, but she still shrugged and shook that idea out of her head because she knew he didn't want comfort right now. His body was straining, fighting between the ache's and the anger. Part of him wanted to rest, but part of him was seething and boiling and just begging to be let out. She hated seeing him like this. He acted like he didn't even know her and, sometimes, she was truly afraid that he didn't.

He glanced back, giving her a cold stare, but she tried not to let it affect her. Silently, he turned back to the table. Something in her gut screamed to run, that he was angry and that that could never possibly be good, but she made herself stop. He wouldn't hurt her. She had to trust that, and it was hard sometimes, but she did trust him.

She didn't know what else to do. Comfort wouldn't help and he wouldn't talk to her when he was in this state, she already knew, so she did the one thing she knew would get a reaction. She kneeled. The hardwood of the kitchen floor dug into her knees but she just sat back on her calves, watching his back for any indication he was going to hit her or yell. But he stayed still, focused on whatever he was doing on the table. Slowly, she swallowed her anxiety and laid her hands flat on her thighs, palms open. Still watching him, she lifted her face up and to one side slightly, exposing her neck to him in a way that made her feel unbelievably vulnerable but she knew he loved. She swallowed hard again, trying not to shake or make noise, and simply watched him through half-lidded eyes.

"What are you doing." He didn't look back at her, but she didn't answer him. Due to the angle of her head, she had to squint to see him but she kept at it even when it strained her eyes. The pose alone started that familiar airiness in her chest and the tingling at the base of her spine. She breathed, deeply, and just waited.

He turned, clearly annoyed she hadn't answered, and froze. For a second, he just stared at her, taking in her open palms and her exposed neck, and she could visibly see him hesitate. His fists unclenched at his sides. She watched a whole slew of emotion flood through his eyes-confusion, shock, desire, pain, every emotion she could possibly name-but she didn't speak or move. This was uncharted territory but he was hurting, she could tell. And she was here, on her knees, offering herself to him. Offering her submission, offering control.

It seemed, for a moment, like he wasn't going to take it. She would have been concerned, but she would have understood that it wasn't the right time or place. But, the longer he looked at her, the more his posture relaxed. He was still tense, undoubtedly, but he stepped up beside her. Slowly, he reached a shaking hand out to cup the back of her neck.

" _Talya_ …" he breathed, watching her sink into his touch. She knew him, though, and she knew he needed this so she just held her position and let her eyes close as his dipped his lips near her throat. He was unsteady but this- _this_ -was how she knew to comfort him.

" _Talya_ , you know you don't have to do this." She nodded ever so slightly and nuzzled his hand. "Fuck. You can't do this to me right now. Why are you doing this?" She waited, seeing if he was actually waiting for an answer or if it was rhetorical, but he was silent.

"Trust me." It was the closest thing to a command she'd ever dared to give him and he almost snapped at her, but stopped. He hesitated, pulling away slightly, but she just tilted her head back to its original position and bared her neck to him, offering again. He hesitated.

But then he took it. Suddenly, all at once, in a movement that was both too much and not enough he dipped down and sank his teeth into the flesh where her shoulder met her neck. She almost screamed, but stifled it by biting her lips. Gently, he purred and kissed the mark, smoothing his hands down her sides to possessively grip her waist. But she loved it. She loved it so goddamn much and she hated herself for it but, just for a second, she had to let go. When he stayed, never letting his lips stray for more than a fraction of a second, she leaned back into him.

"Did I say you could move?" She bit her lip but straightened, trying not to let that need pool in her stomach just yet.

"No." It was purposeful, surely he knew, but he took the opening. He glared, gripping her by the hair.

"No what." She grimaced and steeled herself because every fiber of her being screamed at her to obey, to appease, to do anything but provoke him. But he needed this. He needed to feel in control, of her or of himself, so she took a deep breath.

"Just no." A hand swung around quickly and caught her by the throat, pulling her back against his warm body in a threat. She hissed, but she knew it was coming. He squeezed, nearly growling into her ear.

"Did you just disobey me?" She nodded, forcing the motion through his grip until he tightened it even more. "You're getting a punishment for that." Her stomach churned. She hated making him angry and she hated punishments but she loved him. She knew he needed this, that's why she did it. So, when he hauled her up and bent her over the table, she didn't make a sound. He didn't pull her pants down or expose her ass like she was expecting, but he stood to her right. Normally, he stood to her left and struck her with his right hand. His human hand. But he was on her right, lining up his metal hand with her ass until suddenly-

She yelped, unable to hold back, when his metal hand connected with her ass. It was sharp and dull at the same time, radiating pain through her entire body and making her face flush in equal fear and embarrassment. He'd never spanked her with his metal hand before. Another hit, this one even harder, and she bit back a scream into her arm when she felt the skin already bruising. Shit it hurt. He gripped the back of her neck, roughly pinning her to the table.

"Did I say you could make a sound?" She shook her head and he released, moving back to their standard position. Another hit. Tears sprang into her eyes and she ached all over, surprising herself, but he didn't let her breathe for long. He struck her again, raising welts. Her entire body screamed in protest but she didn't understand why-she'd been tortured before, for fuck's sake, and she had the ability to stop it at any point-but the pain hit deeper than just physical. She couldn't tell if it was a manifestation of that gut fear at making him angry. Or if it was his pain, flowing through them both. He hit her again, and that time she did scream. A real scream, with tears behind it and nothing but fear and pain in her lungs, and he stopped. Slowly, gently, he stepped forward and leaned over her, pressing his chest against her back on the table.

" _Talya_ ," His voice was right next to her ear, making her jump. "What is your safeword?" Fuck it was hard to even form words but she couldn't quite tell why. Her tongue felt big and awkward in her mouth.

"Red," she finally managed, practically choking on it. He thumbed at the base of her neck gently in praise.

"Good," She almost sighed with relief and melted into that gentle touch. "Do you want to use it?" She shook her head, even as his lips pressed over the bite mark on her shoulder and made her hiss.

"No, yellow, Sir." She didn't even think about it, didn't consider that she was supposed to be disobedient right now, it just slipped out. But he wasn't angry. He placed several gentle kisses along the side of her neck and up behind her ear, smoothing her hair even though it was soaked with sweat. She hadn't realized she was trembling. They stayed like that though, and he just nuzzled the hollow of her throat with his nose as she caught her breath. She nodded that she was okay to keep going. He drew back, leaving her surprisingly cold, and rubbed her ass to aggravate the pain and emphasize it but it shot through her like acid on her skin and she let out a sob she hadn't realized she was holding in.

"Red! Red, fuck red red red." He stopped immediately. She thought she was ready for that pain, but god she was not. Something about it hurt so much more than it should have and she couldn't tell if it was her position or if it was the person delivering it. He pulled back but didn't break contact, keeping a hand on her arm as an anchor. Slowly, she eased herself upright but her legs were shaky and her ass throbbed and she couldn't really see straight so he ended up carrying her bridal style over to the couch. Gently, so unbelievably gently, he cradled her in his arms and kissed her forehead. She couldn't stop crying.

"It's okay, _Talya_ , it's okay. You're safe. Listen to me, you're safe. Breathe, okay?" She obeyed without thinking and it made things a little better but she still felt like she was falling apart. He just held her, rubbing her temple off and on as if he knew her head was throbbing. Before she even realized, she was clinging to his shirt.

"I'm sorry!" It came out more as a sob, but he just smoothed her hair and shushed her.

"No, it's okay. You never have to be sorry for needing to stop, ever. It's okay, shhhh.." But she shook her head, that wasn't why she was sorry.

"No, I tried I-" Her voice cut out but he waited, patiently. "You're hurting and I just wanted to help… I'm sorry I'm not strong enough." She stared back into those cold winter eyes but something in them just shattered. His face fell, plummeting into something between pain and disgust, but he hugged her so tightly to his chest that she didn't get a chance to study it. It was his turn to cling to her, holding her impossibly close. With a jolt, she realized he was crying.

"Talya, no…" His voice was choked but he hid it by kissing her forehead. "No, please don't ever do that again. It's not your job to fix me, okay? You are so strong, baby, you're the strongest person I know but please, please listen to me. I don't need to punish you to feel better. I don't. Promise me that you will never do that again. Do not ever disobey just because you think I need some kind of outlet, okay? Promise me." She was shocked, both by how much he said and the genuine fear behind it, but she jumped to agree.

"I promise, I'm sorry I just wanted to help…." He nodded, shaking still.

"I know, and I understand. But Talya, you aren't a punching bag or a stress ball, you're a person. I'm sorry, okay? I took it too far but I thought you were actually being disobedient and I was disappointed. Please, god Talya I never, ever want to hurt you. Yes, it's true that I can't always fix myself and, at lot of the time, I need you. But you are more than enough, without submitting or slipping and certainly without punishment. Do you understand?" She nodded against his chest. "God, Talya, I'm so sorry. I just… I can't believe you did that, not in angry way but… You took all those strikes just because you wanted to help me… Please, never ever do that again-you promised-but I just don't understand… Why would you do that?" She snuggled closer, finding comfort in his warmth and in the way both of their voices seemed to have tremors run through them at the worst possible moments.

"Because you were hurting…" He almost choked but still held her close so she reasoned that he couldn't be too angry. She just sighed into him. He took a moment to recover, sucking in oxygen like it was a damn drug, but he pressed a shaky kiss to her forehead and hugged her tight.

"God, Talya, I love you so fucking much." That… was not what she was expecting. She reeled back, forcing eye contact between them, and stared at him in disbelief because, of all people, she'd never expected those words from him but he just calmly looked back at her. He was crying, but so was she. He… said he loved her.

"I love you too, but why did you say it like that?" He bit his lip. "Why did you say it like it hurt you?" She was honestly asking, though, and was prepared to wait for an answer because this was one of the few things she needed to actually hear from him.

"Because, Talya… I've never had someone be so unconditionally _selfless_ with me. I've never had someone willingly suffer just because they thought it would help me. And don't get me wrong, I don't ever want you to do that again, but… I guess I just didn't really believe it. Until just now." He swallowed back tears but she wasn't ready to drop it. This kind of Bucky… This was the version she never got to see and she was lapping it up like honey because it was human and it was real and it was _him_.

"Didn't believe what?" He shrugged but she waited him out.

"This, I guess. I just… you're supposed to be heartless and so am I, right? I thought, deep down, it was just a trick and I never realized that you actually cared. Like truly care. About me."

"Of course I do." But he just shrugged, and she understood. It was a lot easier to believe things were too good to be true than to trust them and risk suffering the fall out.

"Please never leave me." This was him being weak and vulnerable with her, but she stepped up to the plate immediately. She cupped his face and pressed their foreheads together the way he'd done to ground her so many times and she just let them breathe in sink for a moment before placing a hand over his heart.

"Never. Not for the world." He just held her even tighter, like she would shatter on the floor the second he let go, but she didn't mind. She nuzzled closer and sighed against him.

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Thanks for reading! Please please please review! Should I do more like this?


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